Cry Wolf Spotlight~Arn Grimm QUESTIONNAIRE

There is a boutique hiding out between the fractured, narrow storefronts lining New Gotham’s foggy docks. The shingles are ribbed and black. Washed, peeling paint and displays offering views into wicked leather and lace studded glam. The mannequins are ghoulish beauties stitched together from whatever was left from the last fool to cross one of the sinister witches.

Welcome to Sinister Stitches

“…apparel for a wicked fairy tale.”

 

A spicy trinity of black magic sisters breathe star-dusted dreams to life with their gothic apparel boutique. They are schooled in the old ways of “fabric-bending” by the Needlewitches of old. With this knowledge, they’ve created an entire line of clothing that all share the same basic design element: one-size fits all. Each garment will magically tailor itself to its wearer once worn. Last time the Witches-Who-Stitch, hosted a literary catwalk, heroines were called from all walks of life and genres to challenge their seamstress skills. This time, their men have joined the fun—apparently, they’ve been sent to the boutique. (Whether they like it, or not.)

The witches were NOT expecting men. Their expertise is usually limited to DEMANDING their husbands NOT wear that in public, and, of course, the fashioning of fantastic clothing for all of literature’s heroines. (New Gotham’s men usually get their goods from Rumpel’s Twisted Threads, BUT that’s beyond the point, the girls put a quill to their interview, changed some bits, and rose to the occasion.)

To enjoy the hilarity, please check out some of the questionnaire Sophie Avett’s Arn from Undertaker (New Gotham Fairy Tale) lifted from Astrid’s hand with a very shy smile after he swaggered into Sinister Stitches.  

[READER WARNING: EXPLICIT LAUNGUAGE, ADULT THEMES, VERY FUNNNY. BEWARE.]

THE WITCHES WHO STITCH QUESTIONNAIRE

Please provide the witches with your name: Arn Grimm

Please provide the witches with the following:

Hair Color: Blond

Hair Length: [x] Short and Sharp, [x] Shaggy and Sexy, [ ] Lush and Long

Kinda both short and shaggy. Not really sexy. Don’t bring the sexy here—I’m not wearing pants, and I’m not to be trusted. (I’m kidding—I’m wearing pants.)

Eye Color: Blackish Blue – I know, it’s weird.

Skin Tone: [ ] Ghoulish, [X] Snow White MAN, [ ] Cina-baby, [ ] Mochalicious, [ ] Dark Chocolate, [x] Other: Actually, it’s more like the “Abdominal White Chocolate Snow Man.” Yeah, that sounds dope. I like that. Next question…

Please provide the witches with your measurements and body-type.

a.) Height: 6’1 ft

b.) Body Type: [ ] Skeletal, [X] Lean and Tender, [ ] Lean and Tough, [ ] Ripe and Edible

By the way, I’m not a piece of meat. I’m a man. And I have feelings.

Do you have any extra extremities? Place an “X” to all that apply.

[ ] Horns or [ ] Halo

[ ] 20 ft. of Hair or More
[ ] Gills and Fins or [ ] Hooves
[ ] Wings (Span:   )
[ ] Tail (How many:  )

[x] HUGE cock – family curse. Weep for me, bitches…

How many heads do you have? (Your boy bit doesn’t count!)

One. (Most nights…)

Do you have arms and legs? If so, how many?

(Arm + Leg) 2 = Yeah bitches, Algebra lives here.

How dead are you? [X] Living, [X] Undead, [ ] Astral Form <It's hella complicated.

What are you? (Species/Breed)

Necromancer/Headless Horseman (Yeah…I’m that poor bastard.)

What is the occasion? (Ideas include: Wedding, Funeral, Sabbath, etc. Oh, and seduction is a valid occasion. The more details, the better.)

Nick’s Court Date. Someone has to babysit that titty baby.

What’s the occasion setting? (Beach, haunted castle, grand ball, etc.)

New Gotham City Hall

Will you be fighting for your life at some point in the evening? 

I’m Club Brimstone’s ONLY necromancer—real shit, that IS my evening.

Will you be set on fire? Better yet, will you be setting other people on fire?

Hellfire? Fuck me….yeah. Probably.

Will you be grave-robbing? (Dirt is a tailor’s tedium.)

Fuck that, I’m a Grimm. We don’t do that. Actually, we don’t really let anyone do that. It’s kind of part of the family job description.

What are you wearing right now? Who picked that outfit out? (Basically, who let you leave the crypt in those?)

• A Party City wizard hat - Stars glow in the dark and everything---I’m too hood right now.
• Black reaper robe, and a pair of red Converse. The shoes belong to Nick, actually, that basic bitch threw mine over a telephone wire. He’s fun like that.

Oh, and I’m wearing boxers. Not sure if that matters. They’re Toy Story. That probably doesn’t matter. But I don’t only have Toy Story ones. I have Aladdin ones, too…

Don’t judge. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. But this Disney shit is original. Be grateful, I brought you bitches magic.  

Do you hope to be naked at some point in the evening? (All right, dirty birds. Such questions are actually intended toward the weres and shifters in regards to their transformations.)

Ha. No. Disney doesn’t do it for most girls. Nick swears I’m gonna go to the grave a “fucking cherry.” Probably. Ah, well…I don’t give a shit.

I don’t know, I’m kinda shy.

BUT…

For anyone who might get it twisted—put your clothes back on, girl. I don’t know you like that. And even if I did, I ain’t fucking at the club, silly trick. Better yet, here, have my sweater. Now, go on…take your fine ass back to school.

Shame, bitches. Shame.

Describe your last brush with Death in two sentences. (Helps us plan for the unexpected.)

Buried alive. Oh, the irony….

Do you need a secret compartment for gigantic swords? Guns and condoms? Eyeliner, maybe?

Yes. I need compartments. It takes a lot of tools, scrolls, and shit to bring back the dead AND I want a place for my Gameboy. And my water guns. If I can’t bring my Gameboy or my guns, I’m not going. Real shit.

What are your three favorite colors?

Black, black, and…purple. Nah, I don’t know why. I mean, not really. I think ‘cause she wears lots of purple.

What two colors ninja your brain, sweetie?

I can’t wear pink anymore. House rules.

Please pick a style that you feel embodies you the best. If none apply, feel free to surprise us by providing your own brilliant description in the “other” slot.

[ ] Dark Angel: This is for the spoonfuls of charming. The good-natured and naughty boys next door types. Thoughtful and sensual. Loyal and intelligent. More often than not, his head is in the clouds, but those dreams and that smile holds hope for all of us. Our philosophers.

[ ] Beast King: This is for the warlords and alphas. The type of men who walk into a room and their presence hushes out the sun. They live in their bodies, but their minds are searching for the next challenge. Hands for fighting and these boots for ass-kickings. Our protectors.

[ ] Smooth Criminal: This is for the bad boys. You know, the types---mother’s worse nightmares. The kind of man that makes your skin itch every time he devours you with that hundred yard stare. Chances are his senses of humor is as wicked as his tongue. To hold him, isn’t to catch him. Our scheming rogues.

[ ] Black Knight: This for the mysteries. The ones no one can quite make heads or tails out off. He’s a mixture, a melting pot of strong, sinister, and sweet. He might be Dark Angel one day, and a Smooth Criminal other days. Our brothers.

[X] Other: Ghetto Gargamel – Fuck ya’ll, I ain’t gotta lie to kick it. I surely do carry my ass to school every single day. Billy Shakespeare, Ovid, and Sparknotes are my shit. I don’t fight, I ain’t about that life—the only thing I hit is the bong and the trigger. (Water gun, people. Water gun.) That being said—don’t push me, ‘cause I’ll for sure stomp that ass into a shallow grave. And no, I am NOT Nick. I don’t have bitches lathering themselves in chocolate and hotdog condiments at the very sight of me. I’m Arn the Undertaker. Deal.

Who is your favorite comic/storybook villain?

Kneel before Emperor Zod.

If you could be any comic/storybook book hero, who would it be?

To be, or not to be? Doth that answer your question, trick.

Now, tell us who you love the most.

Her.

Anything else you’d like to add…

Don’t tell her that. I’m serious. Just ‘cause I can bring you bitches back to life doesn’t mean I will…

Oh, and I scream like a girl. Just puttin’ that out there. Enjoy the magic. It’s free.

After many barrels of chocolate, a dash of magic, and furious sewing…

Sinister Stitches’ Medieval Mistress

Astrid Dweyer presents Arn’s

Completed Threads

“Black Magic”

There is a vampire stalking you from the shadows of Sinister Stitches’ tearoom. Her eyes are slanted, jaded amethyst glowing in the darkness. You can’t see her face, but every cutting sweep of her long lashes is felt against your cheek. Seated with miles of oil-black coils wound at her feet, she is clad in a black satin pencil-skirt dress. Black stiletto catching the light and gleaming like a silver stake. She uses the tip of her twisted bone wand to pull purple tea-shades down her slender nose:

Arn? What are you doing here? You know we don’t make suits. We’re dressmak—oh, Twisted Threads is closed. *heavy sigh* Does that idiot ever actually work? My god, you’d think torturing the unfortunate was his business, and tailoring was a side gig. Anyways, I’m happy to see you’re alive and kicking. I know I probably put more dead bodies on your list of things to do than anyone else working at Club Brimstone once upon a time. Now, let’s get you something appropriate for Nick’s court date. (I can’t believe he’s in trouble again. Like WOW, how are you two related?)

For you, sugar, I recommended the “Italian” thin man cut. Think “Armani.” It’s a highly tailored, very clean and polished suit. Wide shoulders, small waist—it creates severe, elegant lines. We did pad the shoulders quite a bit to give you some balance. For fabrics, we spun a black butterfly Cashmere blend. We also took the liberty of outfitting the silk inner lining of the jacket with various, and fairly large, compartments. Gillian even fastened your holsters for your water guns. Keep in mind that these pockets were crafted using Void fabric. Anything you put in there will bend and fold in that pocket of reality. However, anything that spills in there can and will damage the seams. The last thing you want is a gremlin crawling out of your pocket through a splice in the dimension.

Otherwise, expect notched, thick lapels. Also, in most Italian jackets there is no vent—however, we did cut you one to allow for greater freedom of movement. Your matching black trousers are also tailored and form fitting. And Gillian fashioned you this crushable pork pie hat. It’s no wizard hat, but it will give you that splash of originality. One that absolutely suits you.

Brenda threw in your Nevernight tea-shades, and Gillian purchased your snake-eye cufflinks from Bits and Pieces. We recommend pairing this outfit with a pair of patent slip-ons. Nothing too fancy. Frankly, sweetie, you don’t need anything else.

You’re in a class all your own.

IMPORTANT BULLETINS from THE PIXIES:

For more information about Sophie Avett’s New Gotham Fairy Tales, the Sinister Stitches series, and recent releases, please check out her website. If you're interested in signing up for Sophie Avett's mailing list to receive a notification when Undertaker is released, please use the form here.

Care to check out the last round of Sinister Stitches interviews? Check out Sophie Avett and Jennifer Blackstream’s paranormal den, the Brimstone Pub. All SS interviews are retired there after their tour until the release of the SS e-book.
Fancy a tour of New Gotham? Check out New Gotham’s Survival Guide! It might save your life!

Image Credit(s): catalin205

Image Editing Credit(s): Elaina, For the Muse Design

Cry Wolf

A New Gotham Fairy Tale

Sophie Avett

Genre: Dark Fantasy Romance (MM/New Adult)

Publisher: Skeleton Key Publishing

Date of Publication:  May 1, 2014

Number of pages: est. 22 pages

Word Count:  est. 10, 000

Cover Artist: Elaina, For the Muse Design

Amazon   BN   ARe    Kobo    Smashwords

Book Description:

There’s a wild animal on the loose in the black forests surrounding New Gotham...

Not that anyone cares.

Well, Peter doesn't care.

Peter Ume is more interested in finding a way to alleviate the skull-numbing boredom of a city wide shut down. So far his ideas for excitement hover between stealing an unwary idiot’s underwear (soul works, too), setting someone’s eyebrows on fire, or stabbing the next person he meets in the eye with a hot French fry.

It turns out, he’ll be able to save assault and theft for a rainy day. As luck would have it, this naughty kitsune is about to meet the big bad wolf.

And man, is the wolf in for a surprise...

Warning: This story can be read as a standalone, but you will want to smack Sophie for it. (Or so the ravens have said.) So, do keep in mind that there is a part two. (And it will be a freebie. Sophie’s Pixies will carrier pigeon everyone more information soon.)

About the Author:

Sophie Avett is kind of a nerd. Like not even one of the cute, hip ones everyone brags about nowadays. More like the socially awkward hippie who eats way too much bread and dreams about being a dragon from behind towers of mythology books. Um...yeah. Picture old, tattered paperbacks and comic books--mostly Batman and Wonder Woman--dwarfing a tiny desk, with just barely enough room for the troll who writes there and the 70 pound hell-hound that insists on laying it's wet nose on top of her bare foot.

Granted not the most exciting existence, but she tries to make up for it by writing romances populated with her own peculiar ilk of paranormal beasties.  Trolls, wyverns, the obscure Nordic brownie--she likes to keep things interesting. And bloody. (And mostly naked--but, we'll keep that bit between us.)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SophieAvett

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7779293.Sophie_Avett

Sinister Stitches Boutique Blog: http://sophieavettsinisterstitches.blogspot.com/

Newsletter Post-Its, the Blog: http://sophieavett.weebly.com/post-its-the-blog.html

Brimstone Pub, the Blog: http://thebrimstonepub.com/