My
Ex From Hell by Tellulah Darling
(The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1)
Publication date: April 1st 2013
Genres: Fantasy, Mythology, Young Adult
(The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1)
Publication date: April 1st 2013
Genres: Fantasy, Mythology, Young Adult
Synopsis:
a) Bad boy’s presence (TrOuBlE) + teen girl’s brain (DraMa) = TrAuMa (Highly unstable and very volatile.)
b) The Genus Greekulum Godissimus is notable for three traits: 1) awesome abilities, 2) grudges, and 3) hook-ups, break-ups, and in-fighting that puts cable to shame.
Prior to the Halloween dance, Sophie figures her worst problems involve adolescent theatrics, bitchy teen yoga girls, and being on probation at her boarding school for mouthy behaviour. Then she meets bad boy Kai and gets the kiss that rocks her world.
Literally.
This breath stealing lip lock reawakens Sophie’s true identity: Persephone, Goddess of Spring. She’s key to saving humanity in the war between the Underworld and Olympus, target numero uno of Hades and Zeus, and totally screwed.
Plus there’s also the little issue that Sophie’s last memory as Persephone was just before someone tried to murder her.
Big picture: master her powers, get her memories back, defeat Persephone’s would be assassin, and save the world. Also, sneak into the Underworld to retrieve stolen property, battle the minions of Hades and Zeus, outwit psycho nymphs, slay a dragon, rescue a classmate, keep from getting her butt expelled from the one place designed to keep her safe …
… and stop kissing Kai, Prince of the Underworld.
My Ex From Hell is a YA romantic comedy, Greek mythology smackdown. Love meets comedy with a whole lot of sass in book one of this teen fantasy romance series. Compared to Kai and Sophie, Romeo and Juliet had it easy.
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One minute, I was feeling all smug about my powers,
the next, I caught sight of about a
dozen Infernorators hovering just outside the fence like a
firing squad. Yikes! I froze in terror as they advanced en masse toward me,
reaching out their flaming tentacles.
Bless Theo and his wards. Their fire simply bounced harmlessly
off the air above the fence. I really was in a giant protective shield. I
smiled, thinly. My turn. I figured that since I had the upper hand, I should
take these things out.
In my defense, it never even occurred to me that this was a
two-way ward. In my head, it was all about me, me, me. So of course I’d be able
to fire outwards.
Yeah ... no. I sent my ribbons of light lashing out toward those
bad boys. They hit the invisible shield at full speed, then bounced off it to
rebound back at me.
That was the point at which I totally forgot how to control them
and just yelped, wildly waving my hands around as I ducked and bobbed and tried
not to trip over my own superpower.
A low laugh penetrated my fear. I glanced over, wide-eyed, to
see Kai smirking from over by the back fence. For a second. The smirk quickly
disappeared as I sent the creepers directly for him.
I will swear on a stack of bibles or whatever that I didn’t mean
to take him out. It was instinctive. Better him a target than me.
“Duck!” I yelled feebly. He just glowered at me and put out his
hand to stop them in their path. I might have felt like a busted bottle of
Silly String, shooting these puppies out willy-nilly, but it was pretty
impressive the way Kai had them twisting in place like that.
I stood there gaping until he growled, “Quit it” and I snapped
back into action. I dropped my hands but that didn’t seem to blink the vines
out of existence.
“Hurry up!” he snapped, the strain of holding them at bay
wearing on him.
Honestly, I had no clue what to do. I tried to shoo them away
from him. Less than successful. I only managed to redirect one toward a small
sapling, which I then uprooted and used to conk him on the shoulder.
“Of all the useless ...” he began.
“Who asked you to show up, anyway?” I shot back. Especially with
me once again looking like Grimy, the eighth dwarf. I did the only thing I
could think of at that point. Since I’d called the ribbons up with my energy,
maybe I could draw them back in. I concentrated on pulling them back into me.
It worked. They dissipated in a rush. Their power flooded inside
of me and knocked me back about twenty feet.
I landed like a rag doll. The wind was knocked out of me. I
fluttered my eyes open several minutes later to find Kai frowning.
“That was stellar,” he commented. “Zeus and Hades won’t have to
kill you. You’re a walking suicide mission.”
At the reminder of my nemeses, I turned my head back toward
where the Infernorators had been.
“Forget it. The Pyrosim are gone,” he said, rubbing his
shoulder. “You okay?”
“The tree didn’t help.”
“Oops. Sorry. You hid it well,” I said.
“I’m a god. I don’t show weakness. Around you,” he added, “that
seems to be a survival skill.”
“Ha ha. Next time I’ll try and warn you if I’m getting ready to
sprout. We could have a hand signal. I’ll bet the gods have great hand
signals.”
“No.” Kai crossed his arms. End of discussion.
Or changing of subjects. “Why are you here?” I demanded,
refusing his help as I struggled to sit up.
“I told you. Your whereabouts flash in my head.” “No. Here. Hope
Park. What do you want?” “Answers. Why did you disappear on me?” “Someone tried
to hurt me. Maybe it was you.” “It wasn’t me,” he stated darkly.
“Whatever. Theo didn’t know what fate was in store for me so he
got me out of dodge.” “And you believe him?”
“Do you have a better explanation for all this? Two
days ago, I had no idea who I really
was. Theo sure wasn’t thrilled to learn what happened when you
kissed me.” Kai smirked. “It was my kiss that set this off?”
“Yes. You’re very manly. Good
for you.”
“I think it’s good for you,” he insisted.
Then he kissed me.
10 Things You Didn't Know About Tellulah Darling
1) I am too lazy to learn songs properly, choosing instead to
just fit whatever word seems closest to the phonetic sound I hear. This means
that nothing I sing makes any logical sense. However, they are all wildly
creative. Every once in a while I actually figure out what the words are
supposed to be and realize how much sense the song now makes. What's funny is
that there are certain songs I'm suck in a perpetual loop with. I learn what
they are, promptly forget and go back to my nonsense, and then have that deja
vu moment when I understand them again. Maybe I was dropped on my head as a
child.
2) I love to travel but hate flying. As a result, I spent much
of my life gripping the arms of my airplane seat while whispering "please
don't fall" for hours on end. Happily, my doctor informed me a couple
years ago (while staring at me like I was an idiot upon hearing how I coped)
that since my way didn't work, I might want to try drugs. Miracles of modern
science, indeed!
3) Speaking of travel–the first time I went to Italy, I was 15
yrs old. We were in Heathrow waiting for our flight to Rome and I'd fallen
asleep stretched out across the chairs at the departure area. I woke up to the
sight of the Italian National Football (Soccer) team seated around me. Even at
that tender age, I was partial to that particular flavour of man candy. So I
shot up and might have tried to shove my little brother under a seat in an
attempt to look like a worldly solo traveller. Yeah, right. I wish you all a
similar wake up call with *insert group of hot men of your choice*.
4) I was a professional screenwriter for 12 years. Crazy things happen
in writers' rooms. On one of my favourite shows to work on, the showrunner and
I plotted out the entire season arc's battle using Smurfs. This was for a kids'
show. We'd renamed them with our characters' names and did their voices and
everything. On another, not a kids' show, there was an actual meeting to
discuss the star's wife's Playboy photos. There can be this intimidating
mystique around film and television. Don't believe any of it.
5) I forget that my husband is one of my followers on Twitter.
This leads to a lot of head shaking when I've been a bit too vigorous
discussing hot guys - fictional or otherwise and steamy reads. I try to push
the excuse that it's simply ways of interacting with social media friends and
readers. I think I’ve gotten
away with it but I’m not sure because I am no longer able to
make eye contact with him.
6) I hold a Masters' Degree in Film Theory. Yes, you read that
right. In watching movies. Okay, and criticizing them. Possibly the most
useless degree known to mankind. Not only that, I did my Master's thesis on
Gender and Spectatorship in the animation of Chuck Jones. Which means that I
watched Bugs Bunny Cartoons for two years. My family despaired. They used to
lie and say I was studying journalism. I share this with you so that if your
family gives you any grief about your area of study, you can use me as an
example of how it could be so much worse. You're welcome.
7) I think that the right shade of lipstick and a great head of
hair can be a woman's finest accessory. Who's with me here?
8) I think the world needs more choreography. I have a constant
soundtrack in my head and like to tap dance my way through the day. Which in my
head comes off like a brilliant Gene Kelly-esque routine. I take no
responsibility for how it looks in reality. Obviously, you all just need to see
things in my special way.
9) I love my Kindle because it allows me to read my steamy
romances to my heart's content without the constant judging I get from haters
who obviously are down on love. I've found that if I nod my head sagely whilst
reading, people think I'm engrossed in some deep literary classic and perhaps
feel bad for not reading such a weighty tome themselves. I feel no guilt for
this. I've had too many years of snotty reactions to all the genre reading I've
done.
10) Since I write romantic comedies, I'll share a couple of my
favs with you. Book: Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie. This is the smexiest
book around. (Ha - autocorrect wanted it to be the smelliest book around.)
Film: When Harry Met Sally and The Princess Bride. Don't make me
choose. It could get ugly.
If anyone wants to chat books, romcom or otherwise, let's
friendvite on Goodreads or email me on my site www.tellulahdarling.com.
My sucky
first kiss or Why I write YA romantic comedy books
I don't actually remember my first kiss. And believe me, it's
not because there was such a variety of them in my teen years that it just got
lost in the shuffle. Which, sigh, is probably another reason I write YA
romantic comedy. At least my characters fare better than I did.
While I may not remember my actual first kiss, the first one I
do remember is forever burned in my brain. I was fifteen years old and a cute
boy (cute being relative to my age and the decade) had asked me to go to the
fireworks with him.
Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Yeah, throw that idea out. Imagine
you and ten thousand of your closest friends packed onto a beach to listen to a
deafening soundtrack of rock ballads while watching the light show overhead.
Now make at least half of those people drunk.
But silly, innocent girl that I was, I though this was going to
be highly romantic - a night of cuddling with perhaps one perfect kiss as the
final firework burst overhead and in that moment of silent awe, I would feel,
nay hear our two hearts beat as one.
I remember that we got there about three hours early to secure a
spot. The boy had not brought any kind of blanket, so this was three hours of
sitting in sand, while families and yahoos settled in around us. But that was
okay. It gave us a chance to talk, probably about such scintillating topics as
which of our friends was screwing around on whom and what TV shows were we
watching. I remember having overlooked the fact that he didn't read because he
was cute. (Never again.) It did allow a pleasant sexual tension to build
between us and by the time the sun had set and the show started, I was all
ready for the hand holding to begin.
Now, skip the hand holding because in a blink, as the crowd
around us roared and the first flare lit up the sky, I felt myself pushed back
onto the sand and these giant lips come towards me. Tongue may have been
hanging out. And while I can't remember that part exactly thanks to some very
excellent trauma
repression, I do have a very clear memory of thinking,
"this is going to be gross." Which then warred with the thought,
"but I am about to be kissed." The kissing won out. Because I was 15
and stupid. But it was a curiously detached experience, with me trying to
figure out if his lips were growing and what the polite amount of time was that
I could allow this before I shoved him off me and grabbed a desperately wanted
tissue to wipe off my face.
Forty minutes. That was the length of the fireworks show (of
which I saw nothing) and the amount of time he kissed me with those massive,
fleshy, wet lips. I take responsibility for not shutting down the action
sooner, but my mother had raised me to be polite and I wasn't sure what the
polite way to express "EW THIS IS SO DISGUSTING!" was.
So I kind of tuned out and focused on all the places that sand
was creeping in. And not in a pleasant "yay friction" kind of way. At
long long last, the show ended. At which point he did sweetly take my hand and
we began the trek to the bus stop. I tried one last time to salvage my romantic
ideals with a cuddle on the bus, but that seemed to give him the idea that I
wanted to kiss some more. Which I so didn't. So I moved seats. And that was the
first kiss I can remember having.
Which leads me, good people, to why I write YA romantic comedy.
Because while I can appreciate the humour of awkward teen passion, I'm
determined to write girls
who will push that boy off them for not being romantic. Or ruining the kissing
experience. Girls who will say, "Nope. This isn't working for me."
Who will make their boys smarten up and figure out how to treat a girl, even if
they have to teach the guy themselves.
And I figure if I write enough great kisses, I'll end up
believing that one of them was mine.
Post #3: Inside Tellulah’s head: The writing of The
Blooming Goddess Trilogy
I am
obsessed with the naming of things. Characters, projects, I can spend ages
finding just the perfect fit. And while that may sound like procrastination,
it’s super important procrastination. Since I’m gearing up to release My
Life From Hell, the final book in my YA romantic comedy/Greek mythology
series, The Blooming Goddess Trilogy, I thought I’d share the thinking
behind my book titles in this trilogy.
The
one thing I knew going in was that this was the story of an underachieving girl
who discovers that she is Persephone, Goddess of Spring. When it came time to
name this girl, Sophie Bloom just immediately popped into my head. Sophie as
the human derivative of Persephone, and Bloom both for spring and for her
journey. Because, what was clear to me, was that each book thematically had a
flowering-esque cycle to it.
Book
one, My Ex From Hell, dealt thematically with the idea of “emerge.” I
remember being sixteen and waiting for the day my “real” life would start. But
is there really any event that allows that to happen? Once I got into
university, maybe I’d wait for my real job? Or the love of my life, or
children, or success, or ... You get the picture. So I wanted to explore this
idea that here’s this girl, waiting, and suddenly, with the discovery that she
is the Goddess of Spring and key to humanity’s survival, there can be no more
waiting. Life has just very gotten real. And should be real for every moment we
live it.
To get
all obvious here, Sophie is the bud emerging from the sleep of her life.
However, I chose to start her journey on Halloween and not in spring. To me,
spring is the height of Sophie’s powers and abilities. Therefore, I wanted to
start her at the furthest point from spring and gradually build her up to that
point.
It’s
important to remember as well, that this entire trilogy is a romantic comedy.
Again, then, for the relationship between Sophie and Kai, the idea of “emerge”
is in place. It’s the classic “meet cute” of our couple.
Book
two, My Date From Hell, moves Sophie’s journey along to the idea of
“grow.” Without any spoilers, Sophie grows in terms of her abilities and her
sense of self. And for the romance? See how the titles move from My Ex From
Hell to My Date From Hell? Progress/growth for Sophie and Kai as
well.
The
final book in the trilogy is called My Life From Hell. This,
thematically, is the “bloom” stage. Sophie finally, and in all ways, will come
into her fabulous self. “But Tellulah,” you protest, “you’ve taken the
relationship element out of the title.” I don’t know about any of you, but when
I was teenager, my idea of love was all-consuming. Overwhelming. A girl could
get lost in that vision. And maybe, just maybe, that’s going to be part of
Sophie’s journey as well. Learning that romantic love is only one (albeit
important) part of life.
Or
maybe I’m just going to kill Kai. heh heh
Anyhoo,
all that to say, that if you take the emerge/grow/bloom idea as a whole, it
brings us back to why this is The Blooming Goddess Trilogy. And also, a
bit cheekily, I also liked the Brit slang aspect of “blooming.”
There
you have it. Questions? Thoughts? Discuss.
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