Trading Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother
By Sandra Bullock Smith
Genre: Memoir
Book Description
Trading
Places: Becoming My Mother’s Mother is one woman’s heartfelt memoir
about the role reversal she experienced while looking after her aging mother.
Author Sandra Bullock Smith spent ten years caring for her
mother as her health declined. And all too often, she found herself in the
midst of experiences that mirrored similar events from her own childhood. This
book looks at the trials and tribulations of that decade and offers powerful
insight and encouragement for anyone entering into a similar period of life.
Smith’s touching stories share the heartbreaking, and sometimes comical,
moments she experienced while providing assistance to her aging parent
In a very real sense, the two women traded places. Smith
found herself uttering phrases she heard all too often as a child, such as,
“Don’t give your food to the dog” and, “You’ve had enough sugar today.” Smith
began jotting down the things she said, and thus this charming book was born.
Filled with respect, compassion, and love, this uplifting
and amusing memoir is for anyone involved in elder care, caregiving or who may
face the role in the future.
Author Bio
Sandra Bullock Smith is a retired human resources executive
who currently lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with her husband, Mike, and their
mongrel pups. She grew up in Florida, and then spent 20+ years in the colorful
gumbo of south Louisiana. A world
traveler, angler, adventure junkie, and storyteller, she also works as a crew
chief for several endurance running and cycling athletes.
One of her greatest challenges in life was the ten-year
period during which she and her siblings cared for their aging mother. This
experience led her to pen her first book, Trading
Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother. She hopes it offers insight and
encouragement to anyone involved in a similar labor of love.
BRIEF EXCERPT FROM BOOK
“Tell me a story.”
We
loved my parents’ stories. They both grew up in interesting times and in
interesting places. My mother in particular had great stories from growing up
in the mountains of north Georgia. In addition to standard children’s stories,
we got stories such as the time she came across her cousin’s moonshine still
while they were out hiking. My dad was in the Air Force and had traveled to
exotic places. We visited many places and exciting times through my parents’
stories.
I
remember Mom talking about her college days, telling me she went to college
without ever having attended classes beyond the sixth grade. Mom attended
elementary school in a one-room schoolhouse. When she was in sixth
grade, many of the local men left for the war. Women were called upon to take
over jobs vacated by the departing soldiers. The teacher of her one-room
schoolhouse left for one of those jobs. There was no one left in their
community to teach grades 1-6 at the rural school.
The
school superintendent offered the job to my mom. She was the best sixth
grade student so he felt she could teach grades 1-6. Mom was excited about the
possibility of teaching, but she was certain her father would not permit it.
Her father believed that women only needed a little bit of education. Mom would
be needed on the farm.
The
superintendent visited my grandfather and told him that Mom would be
compensated for teaching and would be able to help the family farm by having an
income. Grandpa agreed and Mom’s teaching career began. By the time the regular
teacher returned, Mom was almost old enough to have graduated from high school.
The superintendent told her that if she would study and get her high school
equivalent, he would get her a college scholarship. Mom went on to obtain her
GED, a college scholarship, and a college degree.
So
Mom went to college, graduated, and had a long teaching career, all without being
formally schooled herself after the age of twelve. I wondered what other
stories she had that I didn’t know about. I found a book called The Story of a Lifetime, which contains
questions about your life. We spent many fun hours working through these questions
so I could discover and document the rich stories of her lifetime.
When
she reached her nineties, she seemed to have problems holding a conversation.
It was as if she couldn’t think of anything to talk about. I pulled out The Story of a Lifetime and used its
many diverse questions to get Mom talking and keep her engaged. I found out so
many things I didn’t know about my mom. One day we were on a roll and she was
really enjoying answering the questions I posed. So, I decided to ad-lib and
put my own question out there.
“Mom,”
I said. “Were you afraid of having sex for the first time?”
She
stopped and thought for a moment, then with a grin said, “I think your daddy
and I both were, but we got over it.”
Priceless.
I
love telling stories and I love a good adventure. Adventures and stories go
hand in hand. Mom didn’t have to ask me to tell her a story. I usually had a
variety of tales from wherever my recent travels had taken me.
The
funny thing about telling Mom stories is that she didn’t always hear what I
say. If she didn’t hear me, she usually asked me to repeat myself (see “Don’t
say ‘Huh’.”). One night, I was telling her about hiking in bear country and
having to carry bear spray. She said to me, “I just don’t understand how
hairspray can stop a bear.”
“Not
hairspray, Mom, bear spray,” I told her.
“Well,
what the heck is bear spray?”
Or
the time when she asked me what I was eating. “Cashews,” I responded.
“Cherries?”
“No.
Cashews.”
“I
know you didn’t say cow pies??”
“NO,
MOM. C-A-S-H-E-W-S.”
“Oh.
Well, you don’t have to yell.”
We
had some funny misinterpretations, whether during sharing stories, cooking
ideas, or just general conversation. But that, as Rudyard Kipling said, is
another story. And I did have to yell.
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